The Magic Switch

“How do I know?” is a question I get asked a lot.   I even asked myself, “How will I know?”   I even asked my lawyer.  He told me to ask my husband at the time, which I thought was strange.  We were not on speaking terms.  How would I ask him?  What would be his response?  
I remember when he told me that he wanted a divorce:  My body just crashed!  I have never felt this kind of pain before.  It felt as if I had learned that my best friend just died.  
For a long time, I just walked around in a daze with issues and problems floating around in my head.  I could be sitting drinking coffee and snap a solution to the problem was solved.  I’m not sure whether it was really solved but another problem would come up.
The rotating questions in my head were: How am I going to pay for this divorce?  How am I going to survive without an income? Where am I getting a job?   Should I just suck it up and go back to him?  What should I do next?  How do I find help?  Did he really treat me that badly?  
The merry-go-round inner conversations I was having were amazing.   They wouldn’t stop no matter how much I wanted them to stop.
Trying to sleep was a chore.  I would just lie there.  The noise wouldn’t stop.  I felt like I was going crazy.  
So, draining.  So, exhausting.  So, time consuming.  
One day I was walking around town and stopped to rest.   Out of the blue I felt like a light switch had turned on.  This incredible relief flowed through my body.  It was like a magic switch in the back of my head turning on. 
I hopped off this merry-go-round and I knew at that moment that I was ready.  No more bullying.  No more waiting.  No more intimidation.  No more harassment.  
I walked off that bench that day realizing I left my old self behind.  A new me was born.

Comments (0)

No comments yet.

Leave a comment