When I filed for divorce all the traditions that we did in our family faded into something new. I no longer had to have Thanksgiving, Christmas, nor any other functions with his family. It was a relief. I enjoyed my time with his family, but I was tired of having to be someone I wasn’t.
In our ａｇｒｅｅｍｅｎｔwe were to alternate Christmas Break and Spring Break and divided summer. So, some years I didn’t have her for Christmas nor her birthday.
At first, I was upset because I wanted her for Christmas too. Once I realized I didn’t have to set up the tree nor buy presents for Christmas day. What a relief!
When she came back from her trip, I would ask her what she wanted for Christmas. It was interesting the items she would pick. I remember one year all she wanted was a peacock feather, which I found in a thrift store. Another year she wanted me to buy winter gear for the homeless. So, I did.
I 𝓌𝑜𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇 what she will want me to buy this year?
Every year our traditions are changing and evolving. They are much more flexible than when I was married, and I really like the freedom to choose what we want to.
I asked the question to some of the Groups I’m part of:
Karla, ‘I find the opposite happened of rules and traditions. I was in a situation where traditions were pushed upon me. It was like walking on 𝑒𝑔𝑔𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓁𝓈 to get things done and to do them perfectly. Have everyone's expectations met.
After 𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 I liked being free of it all. I liked NOT having traditions.
It was more about the WAY I went about things, stopped, or slowed down. 𝐿𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑔𝑜 of all that pressure I was under, and I enjoy taking my time. If I didn't feel like it, I decided I wasn't going to do it (with exception of my son's preferences).
In 𝓈𝓁𝑜𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒹𝑜𝓌𝓃 I also started cuddling with him more. It's like it created room for better quality time and more affection between us. I also found that neither my son nor me were in a rush to run out the door anymore. We enjoyed staying in and started staying in more and more.’
𝓢𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓱, ‘I have found that I am able to 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 I wanted to have but we’re always “ruined” by fights.
I have created game nights, mainly because my children are not school age yet. The first night my kids are home it’s either movie or games night.’
𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐞, ‘We plan our holidays together and what they want to do.
Now that they are older, they helped way more with holidays then when they were younger, and I first got divorced.
They had to help plan and cook the meals. Decide on presents for others. What activities we did. They knew the Xmas budget. They enjoyed it so much more when they were a bigger part of it. They also became a bigger part of my finances. They truly saw what I sacrificed for them, and it helped them later when they went to college.’